It is official that my boyfriend and I (Patrick) broke up Sunday morning, which is yesterday. It's been a hard time for me to stop crying for a long time, but I actually cried for like 2 hours! Of course you would understand if you really had a long term relationship like I did. So anyway, after texting with him and clearing about what we are going to do after our break up. We attended youth the other day because he teaches dance workshop in our church. I won't go with them anymore since I don't want to see him for the meantime, but I will be sending some food for them as my share. It's going to be tough but I'd rather not see him while I'm in the process of healing and in the phase of being hurt. Whenever I think of it, even if I'm doing something, it still makes my eyes water even though it's closed and as I open them tears fall. But for all of this I know that everything happens for a reason, and God has a purpose with it. If ever he will be the one for me in the future then it's going to be us, right? So we don't have to hurry with the things in our life that we want to have or that we want to happen because if you get everything you want, then you won't live a happy life. I love him with all my heart and I know he knows that. I've grown with him for the 5 years and almost 6 months with him, in this relationship it has been a good experience even though the break up is almost as losing my own life. But I know that I can get through this for the Lord is my strength. I want to thank Patrick for making our relationship a ride for us and that can never be replaced. If I had to choose after 5 years, he's still going to be the one that I would want to marry. But in this cycle of life, trials are meant to be a part of any relationship that everyone has to face it. Because that is where we are going to be mature. It's for our own good. I love my Patrick soo much and I hope to see him before I leave this country by next year to continue my dreams to travel the world.
There's a lot of things I haven't said yet so I have to start now.
I think it was 2 weeks ago when I had to go to the hospital because I was having a hard time to pee because it hurts and found out that I have Urinary Tract Infection because I stopped drinking water replacing to energy drink that I was addicted to. I tool medicine for a week and kept on drinking water all day and all night. Now It doesn't hurt anymore so I've learned my lesson there. I decided to stop drinking beer and just continue with red wine, but of course it should be only for special occasions now. I kind of like it because I think I'm clean and honestly, my skin is glowing! My mom said that it's because I don't drink alcoholic drinks anymore and other chemical drinks same for salty and spicy foods which is my choice of taste. So I also stopped eating junk foods, such as chips, potato strings and soda/cola. Every week I go to the grocery store to buy some low-fat milk and fruits. But of course I'm a girl and I need sweets so I got me some chocolate chip cookies, and yes I buy the same thing every week.
Now that I'm starting to have a healthy life starting on what I eat and also on how I eat 'em and I think I'm doing a great job. So I am going to continue to stay healthy and strong to avoid sickness and disease.
Tomorrow will be another day, or would I say night, at work. I just wish that we are going to have our 1 month off this coming July since we are going to be in a different place. And I am also praying that my Mom, my brother, and I would find a new place to stay to start out a new life again. I can't wait 'til Dad gets here in the first week of July and he has my camera that I bought from his friend and that's where I'm going to make myself busy. So there, it's a long blog and the next time I'm going to blog hopefully there will be pictures too.
Lord you are my strength, my power, deliverer, provider, savior, shelter and my help in times of need. I thank you for showing us how great you are, and truly you are our beautiful.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Stoned face
Last night I was too unease about the feeling that I really wanna see him that time, moment, second, whatever. So, the whole night when I was at work (I work at night shifts) I was tryna be focused in my work but I'm trying so hard that I could not get him off my mind. So yea, paycheck was moved tom, its fine, but the thing is, I wasn't thinking about that. So as the clock started to change, making the time a minute and 4 hours of the day, I got up and started to clean my station and finish the ritual things we do in the office. So, went down with the last five-hundred bill in my pocket, went to this convenient store and reloaded my phone and started to call...
I thought that was the time that he would answer my call bec I decided to go to their place. Ring-ring-ring... Soorry I think he cannot hear me cause he's busy... sleeping.
I tried to text him, few msgs but still no reply but I still went to their place. Got a cab and got out when I was near their street. About to take the last turn, but his Dad was there cleaning the van, so I didn't take my chances on that. I waited but got a little unpatient bec it was still dark and of course there were no people around. So I tried to text for the last time but still, no reply. I walked pass across the dark streets and good thing my mp4 player was with me so I was keeping my mind busy at those times. But the catch is, I was listening to slow sentimental and blues and I know that's not gonna help, it's makin it worse. Now almost 5 hours after my work, I'm still awake. Not even 1 yawn made it out of my mouth.
It's been 3 days... Summer is getting colder and colder for me. Tomorrow, I'm gonna do the same thing I did today.
I thought that was the time that he would answer my call bec I decided to go to their place. Ring-ring-ring... Soorry I think he cannot hear me cause he's busy... sleeping.
I tried to text him, few msgs but still no reply but I still went to their place. Got a cab and got out when I was near their street. About to take the last turn, but his Dad was there cleaning the van, so I didn't take my chances on that. I waited but got a little unpatient bec it was still dark and of course there were no people around. So I tried to text for the last time but still, no reply. I walked pass across the dark streets and good thing my mp4 player was with me so I was keeping my mind busy at those times. But the catch is, I was listening to slow sentimental and blues and I know that's not gonna help, it's makin it worse. Now almost 5 hours after my work, I'm still awake. Not even 1 yawn made it out of my mouth.
It's been 3 days... Summer is getting colder and colder for me. Tomorrow, I'm gonna do the same thing I did today.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
A Test of Faith
First blog after year 2009. I think this is the first blog since 2008? Hmm not sure...
Woke up at 2am, and I can't get back to sleep. I was supposed to go to Eastwood, but I was waiting for my boyfriends sms but I think he was asleep. Anyway, Started by 11pm (I think) when me and my guy friend started texting about how's going on and some other things when we started to talk about religion. My friend is actually an atheist, well, atheist doesn't believe in God, but my friend doesn't believe in the other way too - Heaven and Hell.
As a born-again Christian, I am also a representative of our religion. For my beliefs and knowledge for it is unbreakable. I know everything in this world is a part of a test and the cycle in it are temptations that surrounds us which are the challenges in the process. Test of how strong is your faith.
My friend and I talk about a lot of stuffs even before, and I do even notice the way he dresses but I never thought about him being an unbeliever. Talked about a lot of things and one of them is Lady Gaga. I love her songs, fashion and her style. I mean who doesn't love her? Maybe the ones who know her well, and who really knows her deep under her skin. She is part of my routine everyday. Before I sleep and as I wake up, I go to work, while on work, and sometimes when eating. My friend and I talked about her, with him being a fan of Lady Gaga as well. This guy knows about her very well, well it's because he can relate with her lyrics and the things he read and saw online. So my friend, which is an atheist, started to talk about religion which is very interesting topic for me ever since. I asked a lot of questions, since this is the first time I had a friend who is an unbeliever. He told me his side of the world. He doesn't believe in Heaven and Hell, doesn't believe in God or the Devil, for he only believe that it is only an imagination of the people's mind. Well, imagination is not a good word, maybe a part of creative thinking. People I meet, some are the same, some are religious, but there are some people you wouldn't even know if they know something about it. There are a lot of these kind in our world today. I mean, who wouldn't notice that. In out country, there are a lot of Catholicism running around this place. How would you think this country will succeed if religions will contrast? Test of your faith, test of your knowledge. A pleasure for your mind, a challenge for cognition. Someday, all of us will realize everything. Purpose of why we are living and the purpose of our duty. But do we have to wait for that "someday" to come? If I could just share some of my experiences and the knowledge for what I am bringing up right now, words are hard to show. Sunday will be exciting. Another service to refresh us, and to build up more brain cells.
Woke up at 2am, and I can't get back to sleep. I was supposed to go to Eastwood, but I was waiting for my boyfriends sms but I think he was asleep. Anyway, Started by 11pm (I think) when me and my guy friend started texting about how's going on and some other things when we started to talk about religion. My friend is actually an atheist, well, atheist doesn't believe in God, but my friend doesn't believe in the other way too - Heaven and Hell.
As a born-again Christian, I am also a representative of our religion. For my beliefs and knowledge for it is unbreakable. I know everything in this world is a part of a test and the cycle in it are temptations that surrounds us which are the challenges in the process. Test of how strong is your faith.
My friend and I talk about a lot of stuffs even before, and I do even notice the way he dresses but I never thought about him being an unbeliever. Talked about a lot of things and one of them is Lady Gaga. I love her songs, fashion and her style. I mean who doesn't love her? Maybe the ones who know her well, and who really knows her deep under her skin. She is part of my routine everyday. Before I sleep and as I wake up, I go to work, while on work, and sometimes when eating. My friend and I talked about her, with him being a fan of Lady Gaga as well. This guy knows about her very well, well it's because he can relate with her lyrics and the things he read and saw online. So my friend, which is an atheist, started to talk about religion which is very interesting topic for me ever since. I asked a lot of questions, since this is the first time I had a friend who is an unbeliever. He told me his side of the world. He doesn't believe in Heaven and Hell, doesn't believe in God or the Devil, for he only believe that it is only an imagination of the people's mind. Well, imagination is not a good word, maybe a part of creative thinking. People I meet, some are the same, some are religious, but there are some people you wouldn't even know if they know something about it. There are a lot of these kind in our world today. I mean, who wouldn't notice that. In out country, there are a lot of Catholicism running around this place. How would you think this country will succeed if religions will contrast? Test of your faith, test of your knowledge. A pleasure for your mind, a challenge for cognition. Someday, all of us will realize everything. Purpose of why we are living and the purpose of our duty. But do we have to wait for that "someday" to come? If I could just share some of my experiences and the knowledge for what I am bringing up right now, words are hard to show. Sunday will be exciting. Another service to refresh us, and to build up more brain cells.
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